by Linda E. Savage, Ph.D.

Are you as sensual as you want to be? No matter how busy you are, devoting 10 minutes to your inner sex goddess will definitely be time well spent.

1. Imagine Your Secret Garden: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and develop a fantasy garden that is yours alone. Fill it with beautiful herbs, flowers, paths, sitting places, fountains and pools. Then imagine that there is a fence around your garden so that you can invite others in or have your space all to yourself. This imagery allows you to honor personal boundaries and create healthy relationships.

2. Say Affirmations: Every day, look into a mirror, and gaze right into your eyes (without any inner narrative about the way you look). Say, "I am a sensuous, gloriously sexy woman." If this one doesn't work for you, create your own mantra (starting with "I am") or try one of over 100 quotes and mantras in the Goddess Library.

3. Stop Negative Thoughts: Whenever you find yourself being critical of your looks, intelligence and abilities, use a destructive image such as lightning or an explosion to obliterate the negative thoughts. Then replace these thoughts by concentrating on your affirmation for one minute. This technique prevents the thoughts from returning for a while. If you do it every time you catch yourself being self-critical, you'll eventually feel more confident all the time.

4. Call in the Goddess: Sit quietly and imagine you are filled with the loving feminine energy of the ancient goddesses. Breathe deeply and feel the warmth coming from your heart. Ask for wisdom and direct a visual image from your heart towards all you desire.

5. Surrender to Pleasure: Get in touch with your everyday pleasures by tuning in to all positive sensations in your body. Taste sweet foods, smell flowers, touch your own skin, listen to sensual sounds, and visualize beautiful scenery to develop your personal sense of pleasure -- and make it stronger!

6. Create the Sacred Space: Your bedroom should be a work of art, not a cluttered storage space or busy office. The most important objects to remove are "single-girl goods" such as displayed pictures of you alone. Also, stop saving any reminders of past relationships. Instead, fill the space around your bed with pinks and reds, the colors of love. Learn more feng shui techniques to turn your bedroom into a love nest.

7. Dance with Your Partner: If your partner or a date says "I can't dance," just put on sexy music, and encourage him to make his moves, any moves, in your living room. Move sensuously against his body. Tell him it's just vertical lovemaking.. Keep your torsos in contact, fronts or backs, and don't move into specific sexual touching for a while. It will drive you both wild.

8. Caress: Have your partner lie with his head on your lap. Gently explore his face with massage and touch. Don't forget to run your fingers through his hair. After you've finished, he'll be more than ready to do the same for you.

9. Massage: Take turns with your partner exploring each other's bodies, and think about how you can nurture each other with touch. Don't rush to intercourse, and you'll find new and wonderful ways to be sensual. You can also find specific instructions for erotic massage in many books, including mine, Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality.

10. Yoni Caress: Genital pleasuring, done well, is the most erotic way to feed sexual desire. Men need instruction from you, because you know what feels best. Talk to your partner about specific techniques that you enjoy. This conversation may take courage, but frank sexual talk will empower you. Remember that every sex goddess has intimate fantasies, and yours deserve to be fulfilled!

How to Awaken Erogenous Zones

When most people think of erogenous zones, they think of their genitals. But erogenous zones are all over your body, says Dr. Hutcherson, co-director of the New York Center for Women's Sexual Health. They can include the back, neck, ears, eyelids, hands...wherever touching feels good! If you haven't found your erogenous zones, the time to start looking is now with these simple suggestions.

Make Time for Yourself
Begin by setting aside time every week for yourself. According to Dr. Hutcherson, this is your sacred time, and nobody can interfere; this means that partners and children are not allowed. Go into your home, pull down the shades, and take the phone off the hook. Learn your body all over again. Generate your own sexual energy, and start to see yourself as a sexual being.

How to Wake Up Your Zones
Wake up your erogenous zones by taking a bubble bath, massaging yourself with oils, writing erotic stories, or walking around the house naked. If it feels good, do it! Don't be ashamed or embarrassed—you're discovering what feels good for you. When you feel comfortable and good about your sexuality, it's time to bring your partner into the mix.

Erogenous Zones

Women*

Small of the Neck
Most women find light tongue flicks on this area highly sensual, however, don't get carried away and give hickeys! Remember, we're adults, not high schoolers!

Scalp
Ever wonder why SO many women seem to wash their hair? And why does your girlfriends visit to the hairdresser seem to send her into tizzies when she describes the simple experience of getting her hair washed and how good the jets feel on her scalp? Now you have the answer! Massaging the scalp, scratching it even ever so lightly or brushing her hair, according to scientist alleviates stress and also happens to have a built in bonus: Endorphins are released (pleasure hormones). So the next time your lady friend tells you she is too stressed out to relax, play hairdresser. You'll be glad you did.

Outside of the Ear Lobe
Okay, we can hear you moaning all ready. But we all ready knew that one. No, we do not mean the WHOLE ear or whole earlobe. With the various protective substances and complexities of the inner ear area, most see to forget hundreds of sensitive nerve endings and blood vessels reside in the outside of the ear lobe. Bonus tip: Instead of blowing or doing the old tongue in the ear trick, use your fingertip and lightly stoke it. It may work wonders!

Inside of the Arm
This is an area, according to many sex therapist and counselors that seems to be over looked entirely in foreplay as well as in cuddling with loved ones. The trick here is to LIGHTLY run either your nails or the pads of your fingertips across the area of skin halfway between her elbow and wrist. According to those who have enjoyed this experience, it feels highly similar to someone tickling your palms lightly as well as producing warm sensations in other parts of the body.

Sacrum
No, this isn't a Latin test. And don't make a mad dash for Gray's Anatomy. The Sacrum, known to some as the "Bermuda Triangle of Lust" is the area found roughly above the crease of the buttocks near the base of the spine. Do not apply hard pressure. It will feel as if you are trying to give a spinal without anesthesia. Massage it lightly with a thumb and ask her how much pressure to add.

Inner Thigh
Now don't go totally wild in this area. Too much of a good thing can ruin the impact. Lightly track a small to medium sized triangle from around 2-3 inches below the crotch to the inside of the knee and back up again. Hopefully, by the time you are ready to move you hands a bit higher, she will be ready as well.

Behind the Knee
One of the top totally neglected erotic areas on women. It has some of the softest, thinnest, and sensitive skin on the exposed body.

Achilles Tendon
This is a HIGHLY sensitive spot. Do NOT immediately go here soon after foreplay. Save this spot for much further along. Softly stroke just below the ankle bone (your choice inside or out) and then work slowly up toward the back of her knee.

Breasts
The obvious choice, and hence the reason it was left for last. Everyone and their grandmother knows that the breasts are highly erotic, however, when starting to move into this area, ignore the nipples. Some other techniques you can use is to use all five fingers to stroke each breast in different directions, and instead of working your way from ground zero, start at the breastbone or just  underneath the arm, and slowly, slowly work your way toward the nipples. But, stop just short of it.

* Compiled with the help of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists and Judith Seifer, Ph.D., R.N. President of the American Association of Sex Education.

And now, for him…
by Brian McDonald

When a woman considers a man's sexual center, it's always the obvious choice- the penis. While men always enjoy that particular type of stimulation, he has many other areas of the body that a woman can concentrate on in order to enhance and maximize his sexual experience.

The ear is just a huge bundle of tiny nerve endings just waiting to be stimulated by you! You can use your fingers, lips and tongue to explore every area of his ear including behind the ear. Start slowly with whatever you feel comfortable with and you should be able to tell what turns him on and what doesn't do much for him by his reactions. Also, men tend to love when his partner lets him know what she is enjoying, so don't hesitate to moan or breathe in his ear!

Men love kissing almost as much as women! While he may not enjoy as much kissing as his partner past a certain point, don't forget to kiss him so that he knows he's wanted and desired. Also, try capturing his bottom lip gently between your teeth or sucking on his tongue. Most men go crazy for creative moves like that!

A man's neck is often a place where women ignore, but they love to have soft kisses planted up and down it just as much as you do! Some men even love to have his partner run her tongue from the base of his neck, over his Adams apple and up to his chin. The key to good neck play is to try not to get the area too wet and avoid leaving marks.

Men may not play with their hair, but it doesn't mean that a thorough scalp massage won't feel good! Gently massage his scalp if you have nails or simply run your hands through his hair. He won't expect it, but he'll most likely love it!

A man's chest is one of the most sensitive places a woman can pay attention to during lovemaking. The key to approaching a man's chest is to always be complimentary and treat his nipples as if they are just as sensitive as a woman's nipples. They can be gently drawn into the mouth or lightly seized between the teeth for an erotic sensation. Always pay attention to his reaction, as it will be an unfailing way to measure his pleasure levels.

Try paying a little attention to a man's inner thighs. He most likely never has them touched by anything but slacks and they are incredibly sensitive to the touch! Kiss them, touch them, nibble them or lick them! Do what prompts a positive reaction and watch him soar.

Do you know exactly what the glans head is on a man? If you want to drive your man completely wild, this is where you should go! The very tip of a man's penis that looks almost like a purple helmet is the glans head. Focus on this part and watch him soar.

The perineum on a man is located between the anus and the scrotum. Some men absolutely love to have this area gently fondled during foreplay and even during sex if possible. For super sensitivity, try to moisten the area with massage oil or lubricant before gently massaging. For the more adventurous, you may want to venture to the man's anus- it is very sensitive and can bring about a great deal of pleasure.

Finally, you can't completely satisfy your man if you ignore his scrotum! There are a number of names for this part of a man's body including his balls, sac or nuts. This part is incredibly sensitive and should be handled with care! Cradle his scrotum in your hand and gently fondle them, lick them or even gently suck them.

Men enjoy foreplay just as much as women do, so take some time to give him the attention he deserves and he just might be able to find the time to do exactly the same to you! If you've made it this far without him throwing you down and having his way with you, he's probably insane with desire and you will both benefit from his heightened desire!

Common Male Foreplay Blunders
By The Sex Coach at sexyadsnews.com

Met your fair share of sexual rejection lately? Has your lady seemed less than satisfied? Your Sex Coach has gathered up some common foreplay blunders men make and gives you tips for turning them around.

1. Minimalist Foreplay
It's legendary: most women like more foreplay than men do. Men focus in on breasts, asses, and genitals and like to hurry the action along, claiming grazing rights on the woman's body as quickly as possible.

What you can do: Naturally, you can take more time. Slow down. Make a deliberate effort to warm up a woman's whole body before zeroing in on her boobs. She'll be much happier, and you may learn that you like extended foreplay yourself once you experiment with it.

Another trick is to invent foreplay experiences you'd like. Foreplay is not just physical arousal; it's also mental arousal. Yours and hers. Thus, it includes such pleasures as soaking in the hot tub, sensuous massages, swimming nude, a romantic walk in the woods, erotic conversation, dressing to tease, cybersex, etc. Pull out the stops.

Women learned long ago the art of the tease, of building erotic suspense, of making men wait for dessert. Men generally haven't been taught this skill, and yet it's a dynamite strategy. Women expect men to be a sexual pushover, always ready to go, and when he applies the brakes, she's no longer in control.

2. Mechanical Foreplay
Men are often criticized for foreplay techniques that resemble paint-by-numbers routines. Men adore women's bodies but often forget to pay attention to their minds. The end result is that women feel pawed and pummeled. This is what most women mean when they say they feel they're being treated as sex objects.

What you can do: Touch a woman's heart and soul by talking to her. Really. A man who can talk to a woman about anything when her nipples are showing (not just about how much he wants to have sex, which is assumed) gets high marks. Meanwhile, a man who knows a woman well enough to arouse her imagination with things she especially likes to hear can ignite flames of passion like a blowtorch. More than most men, most women speak an emotional language. When a woman complains about mechanical lovemaking, it usually means she wants to see more emotion from her man. She wants to break through the tough macho exterior and find the sensitive lover (yet not a wimp) inside.

3. Insensitive Foreplay
For years pretty women have endured the unwanted attention of men obsessed with carnal satisfaction. Their come-ons have been made ugly by their insensitivity. I think of insensitivity here as putting your own sexual agenda far ahead of the feelings or wishes of the person you want to seduce. She has a headache, but you don't care. She wants to watch her favorite TV show, but you want a blowjob instead. Anytime she says something, no matter how innocent, you put a sexual spin on it. Flopping her onto the bed is more important than cleaning yourself up or creating a romantic atmosphere.

What you can do: Men often don't catch on to this one until it's too late and the woman they love has gone. However, the best thing you can do is ask your partner how you can be a better lover. Listen to her without arguing. You may not like what she says, but you'll learn what she wants. For example, she may tell you that your breath is awful and your slobbery kisses disgust her. That's not fun to hear, but her honesty gives you a chance to improve yourself. Honest communication about what you like and dislike sexually is a golden key for creating what you both like.

4. Manipulative Foreplay
Manipulative foreplay is sexual harassment, which, in this context, is when a guy uses intimidation, mental cruelty, or deception to meet his sexual agenda. He tricks, drugs, threatens, or overpowers a woman into putting out for him.

What you can do: Realize that when you manipulate a woman for sex, your prize is false glory. You know she didn't go to bed with you because she likes you or thinks you're awesome. You tricked her. You also tricked yourself because sex under phony or coercive pretenses is nowhere near as juicy and satisfying as the real deal. It's like winning a rigged sporting event. Yeah, you won, but you know you had to cheat to do it. Sex by manipulation usually isn't about sex anyway. It's more of a desperate attempt to feel good by conquering or possessing someone. It would be better to find another way to feel good. You'll see why as soon as you enjoy a sexual relationship in a more honest way.

5. Nasty Foreplay
Many men love dirty, in-your-face sex play and often have a horrible time finding women who are truly happy providing it. Men often blunder badly trying to get their honey to talk nasty or show their booty in a halfway exciting fashion.

What you can do: This would be a good time to discuss different sex styles with your honey. Explain to her that you occasionally want sleazy sex. Tell her specifically what you want her to say and do. Spare her from guessing. She'll most likely be willing to do it your way when you show you're willing to do it her way, too. With a new woman, go gently. If she gives clear signals that hot talk makes her quiver in delight, unleash your tongue. Otherwise, turn up the heat gradually, and remember that for many women, learning how to talk nasty is learning a foreign language.

Love yourself Nakes

A little time in the nude is good for every woman — especially if you happen to be one of those people who goes from shower to towel to outfit, without so much as a peek in the mirror. Avoiding your own nakedness deprives you of a sense of connection with your body.

I know many of you are thinking, I don't need a connection with this less-than-perfect body, thank you!, but I stand firm. Being naked should not be reserved only for lights-out. Our bodies are a source of pride and pleasure, and it's only by facing them that we unlock this potential.

You don't have to stare at yourself for hours on end. Try going through your morning routine sans clothes — apply your makeup, do your hair, enjoy a glass of orange juice, all in the buff. Just get more comfortable with being naked. The benefits are worth it, since increased comfort with your body is a direct line to new heights of sexual satisfaction.

Whatever you choose to do, make it a ritual. You just might find yourself feeling like a whole new woman.


L

Introducing Sex Toys To Your Relationship
by Tamar Love

I didn't try using a sex toy until I was 28. Although I've always been open-minded, fairly sexual and comfortable with my body, I'd never gotten around to actually buying one, for a lot of stupid reasons. I was embarrassed; the only time I'd been to sex shops was with other girlfriends and there was no way I was going to buy a vibrator in front of someone I knew. None of my friends had ever mentioned masturbation, which was the only reason I could think of to try a sex toy, so I certainly wasn't comfortable talking about it with them. Only sluts used sex toys, right? Or girls whose boyfriends just weren't doing it for them? Besides, how would I even know what to buy? Even though I kind of wanted one, my laziness, fears and indecision kept me vibrator-free.

Then I met Sam. Just a regular guy from Oakland, Sam was confused by the fact that I didn't have a vibrator. "What do you use to masturbate?" he asked, flooring me with his casual use of that naughty word. I mumbled something about letting my fingers do the walking, and then changed the subject. On our next date, he showed up with a pretty little gift for me: my very first vibrator. It wasn't fancy - just a plain silver rocket vibe - but it was all mine. I couldn't wait to use it and see what it would feel like. As it turned out, I didn't have to wait at all. Sam and I used it together that very night. Now, I'm a convert with a whole treasure box of different sex toys. Sure, I use them when I masturbate (I can even use the word now!), but Sam and I use them together on a regular basis. Sex toys spice up our love life and add a little adventure to the bedroom. After all, it's been almost two years ... we wouldn't want to get bored!

Does the first part of this story sound familiar? I know so many people who have been dying to try sex toys, but have been too embarrassed to do anything about it. I've also heard from lots of people who already enjoy sex toys and would like to use them with their partners, but have been too reluctant to bring their toys to the bedroom for fear of offending their loved ones. And I'm sure there are others out there who have tried to share a favorite toy with a partner, but were unprepared for the negative reactions they may have received. Whatever the case, it is possible to introduce sex toys into your relationship. In fact, we recommend it ... for three reasons:

1. Sex Toys Feel Good.There's no disputing that orgasms feel good. Sex toys help you have better, stronger, longer orgasms, which is always a good thing.

2. Sex Toys are Fun. Most couples get bored with their sex lives at some point in their relationships. Sex toys add a bit of zest to the relationship and keep things from getting dull. Using a sex toy together can bring you closer; sharing new experiences together can be very intimate.

3. Sex Toys Make Sex Better. Many women have difficulty achieving orgasms unless they receive clitoral stimulation, which can be difficult to manage during intercourse. Also, many men have trouble sustaining their erections as long as they would like. Sex toys can help in both of those situations. They can also enhance a perfectly good lovemaking session, adding just enough "oomph" to turn a great experience into an outstanding one.

While we think those arguments are compelling enough to convince most people, the reality is probably quite different. As much as we'd all like to think of ourselves as liberal, open-minded and adventurous people, everyone can be a little squeamish about new things. Your partner might need some convincing. While we hope Sam's approach - bring it home and plunk it down - works as well for your partner as it did for me, it's best to discuss your partner's feelings about sex toys before springing anything new on them.

Lies, myths and misconceptions about sex toys abound. Needless to say, most of them aren't true. However, you should always treat your lover's concerns seriously - especially when it comes to sex. Be prepared to deal with just about anything, including feelings of inadequacy, emotional discomfort and ignorance. You probably won't know your lover's sex toy reservations until you talk to him or her, but you can anticipate a few responses to some common attitudes about sex toys.

Sex toys are for perverts, weirdoes, sluts or freaks.
All kinds of people use sex toys, including people most would consider perfectly normal. Yes, perverts, weirdoes, sluts and freaks use sex toys, but so do doctors, lawyers, housewives, teachers, accountants, bus drivers, secretaries ... and just about anyone else you can think of. Using a sex toy doesn't make you "weird." It just makes you have an orgasm! If your partner has this fear, suggest that he or she talk to his or her friends about it, or do some Internet research on the subject. Your lover might be surprised by how common sex toy usage can be.

Sex toys are just for masturbation.
While sex toys are commonly used for solo sex, many couples enjoy using sex toys together, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship - quite the opposite. Usually the kinds of people who are comfortable trying new things together are open-minded, intimate, comfortable and trusting. Using a sex toy together is a good way to reaffirm the strength of your relationship. If your lover has this concern, try giving him or her a book on using sex toys to add excitement to your partnership. There's lots of them!

Your partner will feel inadequate if you start using a sex toy.
Many people express concern that bringing a sex toy into their relationship will hurt their partner's feelings. It's understandable: a huge, vibrating penis that brings you to climax every time? Who wouldn't be jealous? Seriously, a sex toy can give you an orgasm, but it can't cuddle with you afterwards. Sex toys will never replace live humans. If your lover has this fear, be sensitive and stroke his or her ego a little bit. As with most relationship issues, good communication can go a long way to solving the problem.

Using sex toys can be physically dangerous.
Absolutely untrue! In fact, sex toys can have very positive effects on your sexual health. For example, menopausal women can use dildos to maintain vaginal tone, staving off incontinence and other sexual health issues. Many doctors and therapists recommend sex toys to women who have trouble reaching orgasm. And finally, a healthy relationship with your body is beneficial to your overall health. Using sex toys heightens your awareness of your body and its functions, making you more alert to abnormalities such as bumps, lumps or abrasions. If your partner is worried about physical dangers, sit down and surf the Net together. Any sexual or general health site can assuage his or her fears.

If you use sex toys too much, you won't have an orgasm with your partner.
We hear that one all the time! Yes, the earthshaking orgasms produced by a vibrator can be psychologically addictive, but they don't take the place of a real person. Think about it: most people have been using their hands to masturbate since they were young, yet they usually prefer partner sex to solo sex, don't they? If your partner is afraid you'll replace him or her with your battery-powered pal, promise him or her that you'll keep your sex life varied: try different positions, new toys, role playing and fantasy, both in partner sex and solo sex. Boredom and repetition often cause bed death.

If your relationship is solid, there's no reason why you should need a sex toy.
As we've already suggested, using a sex toy with your lover can actually strengthen your relationship. You need to have a certain amount of closeness to share this intimate new experience together. Using a sex toy can be a good affirmation of that closeness. If your lover doesn't think you need a sex toy to brighten up your sex life, assure him or her that you don't need a sex toy either, you'd just like to try one. Again, your local bookstore has many books on sexual intimacy. Your lover might be persuaded by one.

Buying sex toys can be really embarrassing.
We agree, which is one of the reasons we've created this nifty, anonymous place to buy them! Seriously, if you aren't comfortable going to a sex shop and picking out a dildo, you have lots of other options. You and your partner can order from a catalog or a website ... may we suggest www.partiesbypaula.weebly.com?

If you've addressed each of these misconceptions with your partner and he or she is still apprehensive about using a sex toy with you, take it slow, be patient and think creatively. Don't press the issue or you might get an incontrovertible "no"! Flatter your partner, show him or her how much you enjoy his or her body, and make the most of your sexual time together. It's possible he or she isn't ready for that level of intimacy yet, but with time and effort, your lover might change his or her mind. Let your partner watch you masturbate with a sex toy. It may cause some giggles at first, but it might also break the ice and relieve your embarrassed partner of any squeamish thoughts about sex toys.

You might also try buying a book or watching a video together - your partner might be embarrassed to admit he or she doesn't know how sex toys work; "instructional" materials can often alleviate your partners functional concerns. We also recommend attending or hosting a sex toy party with your partner. For a nominal fee, many stores will send representatives to your party site to demonstrate and explain a selection of toys for you and your guests ... think Tupperware party with a different kind of plastic product. These parties can be a fun, painless way to introduce sex toys into your life - especially if there's alcohol involved!

Once you are able to bring the toy into the relationship, remember a few basic commonsense tips.

* Start slow. Save the double dong or strap-on dildo for future encounters. Try a nice, simple rocket vibrator. Once your sweetie is used to the vibe, you can trade up.
* Be gentle. Your partner may like it on the rough side, but hold back a little the first few times you play with toys. There's plenty of time to accelerate!
* Talk to your partner. He or she may have agreed to use the toy, but that doesn't mean your lover is 100% comfortable with the idea. Talk your way through the experience. Ask your partner if what you are doing together feels good. If it doesn't, try something else.
* Use lubrication. Sex toys need lots of lube to slip and slide the way they should. The last thing your girlfriend needs to worry about is whether she's wet enough to enjoy herself. Similarly, you don't want to risk injury to male or female partners by inserting something into a dry orifice. Keep a bottle of lube handy and use it.
* Be flexible. The toy you've selected might turn out to be totally wrong for your sexual personalities. That's okay. Put it aside and try something different.
* Be patient. Your partner may agree to play with the toy, and then change his or her mind midway through the experience. That's his or her prerogative. Be patient and try again another time. It might take awhile, but it will be worth the wait.

The important thing to remember is that your relationship is a partnership, which implies that both of you are in this together. You make the decision together; you select the toy together. If your lover feels as though he or she can trust you, things will go much better for you and your toy. Sharing the experience goes a long way to promoting that trust.